~It's already 12.10am, 4 December 2012 while my birthday supposedly to be on 2nd of December 2012. I don't really like birthday party and celebration since I'm a little bit embarassed while people look at me and sing 'Happy Birthday' song. But I do love when people celebrate my birthday. It shows people's appreciation to us. I don't know. That's my opinion.
The first person who wished was my best friend. "Cakap je apa kau nak, nanti aku belikan," that's what my friend said. "Sugar glider please!" I love sugar glider though I've never adopt one. My family brought me to Jusco and have lunch in Johnny's. (I love this place though we rarely come here) They even bought me some presents. They even bought a cake! (Birthday girl or not, I still have to do chores on that day)
But on the stroke of midnight (2/12/12), I was thinking, what did I do during all these 19years? (OMA! I'm 19!) Have I been a good daughter? (Nope) Have I been a good slave? (Total no)
I watched Hanakazari no Kimitachi E and when I downloaded the song from the movie, suddenly I remember the drama, 'One Litre of Tears'. There's a beautiful song entitled, 'Only Human' that even by hearing it, we can feel the emotions.
It was then, I realized, I've wasted for 19years doing useless things. What if I lived in a world of Aya's? Who Aya? Aya is the girl in the drama, 'One Litre of Tears' who had suffer a disease called 'Spinocerebellar Degenaration' when she was 15years old. It's kind of you can't control your body and you'll lose the energy to control it over time. TRUE STORY!
She knew that she's going to die. Even if she's not, she felt that she's useless regardless of her uncotrolled body. Seriously, I cried. What if one day, I found out that I'm going to die very soon? What if I'm unable to do anything for the world? Or worst, being a burden to the surroundings?
I might regret. For 19years, I didn't do what I need to. I might as well say, "How much I have wasted for all this time." Yes! I probably say that. Same as the time when I've wasted 17years for being 'Jahil'. Time will not stop. It keeps moving on. Even the London's Big Ben Clock Tower stopped, time will still ticking.
People wish 'Happy Birthday'. They give presents. They celebrate. They ask forgiveness if they forget to wish your birthday. Everyone seems happy. I admit, I felt the same. However, I know, I'm closer to death. But sometimes, I forgot. How foolish I am!
We keep on looking at the past but it's already gone and we can't reach it. We keep deciding our future though we don't know what's coming ahead us. So what should we do, then? "People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best for all that you're doing now." -Aya-
Focus on what you're doing right now. You live in this time. This second. So, would you like to let it go waste? Well, I don't (though I always did it). Because if you keep on delay everything, you don't know if it really does happen in the future. For example, right now it's 12.44am. Let's say, we're going to ask your mom's forgiveness at 12.50am. But what if at 12.45am, you die. We don't know our future.
Now, I'm 19. When I was 18, I want to have a research on the Holy Qur'an. Unfortunately, I kept on delaying it and it's already a year now. Oh man! Tqah, you're such a fool! So, if I delay it again, I'm sure I'll delayed it until I'm 20! (ketuk kepala sendiri)
But the most important thing is what have I really done towards Allah and my parents? I don't really get excited during my birthday. To me, it's a great burden. For it is as if a reminder that I don't really do good towards them in each year. Last month, my parents asked me, what I want for a present? No, I don't want a thing. Because I think, almost everyday, my parents will give us something. Even food that they cook can be consider as a gift. Allah have give me everything I need. And He still want me to pray and ask more from Him. (I use plural for Allah since He have 99characteristics)
So, what did I do for them? So, yeah. I sometimes hate my own birthday since it always make me realise I've a wasted a year. I don't say we shouldn't be celebrating our own birthday. Come on. Even my friends and I made birthday pranks. But at the same time, we should be grateful that Allah still give you a life after each year. Don't let it go waste. Thank your parents. I don't really know why the birthday girl/boy should be given the presents. Seriously, I don't know though I love presents. But, for me, it's more reasonable if the birthday girl/boy gives presents to people. As an appreciation. As being grateful. What do you think?
I don't know what I've just typed. Well, it's been a while since I blogged. (I'm busy. Sorry) So yeah. I guess, I'll be doing chores again tomorrow. But I guess I'll add up something. (Please go and exercise, Tqah!) Well, time is ticking and you can't let it go waste! Oh, I recommend all of you to watch One Litre of Tears. Seriously! Watch it! You'll love it. Astaudi'ukumullah. Wassalam~