Monday, December 16, 2013

My First Semester In Gombak

~Assalamualaikum warrahmatullah hiwabarokatuh~

Taken from Google

~It has been awhile since I blogged. Yes, I entered UIA Gombak last September and alhamdulillah, I had a presentation on my final project this morning. It was NOT at all, easy. I could say that I've never felt so useless until this semester. It was a hectic one.

I shed tears during my second project. I guess because that night, I was thinking to change course (I thought maybe my place is in applied art design). And the next morning, which is the day for submission, I found out I made it all wrong. And after all the hard work I did for 3days, I get NOTHING! I was ok at first until I called my dad and finally cried.

Couldn't even score for the first presentation. I was condemned by lecturers but I'm still okay with it. I laughed about it to make myself okay. But I was quite frustrated because I know, I could do better. I guess I was too cling to what lecturers told me so, and I've no freedom to give out my ideas.

Even worse, I didn't study on anything. Even other students have the same problem. We were too focus on the design and that's just it. We forgot about history, building constructions, quran sunnah, land surveying, halaqah but not so much on graphics. I felt so stupid for sleeping in class especially for building constructions. Deng! Why?? Now I can't even explain well for materials.

I get so scared. I was too scared to consult. I was too scared to present. I've never been this way before. Before any presentation, I couldn't breathe well. And I got butterflies in my stomach. I know I have this kind of a stage fright problem but not this time. This is far worse! I lost my words. I couldn't think. WHY AM I FEELING THIS??

Taken from google. Architectural parasite

I was heartbroken during this semester until our group work on architectural parasite. Lecturers liked it and I was overall speechless because it felt good. I want it so much that I went on researching whatever things I could find about Alhambra (our site) and architectural parasite. However, it didn't go well for the first crit (a minor presentation) and even worse on the second crit! I couldn't even dare to look at my own carry mark and my mom understood that. I was avoiding from making myself feeling down.

So, to redempt all my mistakes, I focused on the boards (oh yeah, not for perspective drawings because it was too hard and I gotta say, I was not happy about it). And of course, to my final project, I tried to make it as attractive as possible because I know, my design is not at all strong.

Again, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. But I was glad. Very glad. One of the panels is my former lecturer during CFS (uia petaling jaya). Alhamdulillah. Not saying I've the opportunity to get better marks from him. No3.. At least I'm quite comfortable to present.


It wasn't that good but at least it's better that the previous crit. I know I wouldn't score much on Design (sorry ayah). But one of my lecturers used to say, "Being a first year is the time for you to learn." And yes, I did learn a lot.

I was even called 'slow' but someone told me, "No matter how slow you are, if you're going to the right way, you'll be there." I even have a role model now!

My friends got bigger conjectures than me. And so, I stayed for them, hoping they wouldn't leave this course. Far worse, the only connection between me and Him is only by 5times prayer. Too busy catching the Dunya that you put Him aside eh, Tiqah? You're so stupid.

I received a question, what would she'll be studying if she enters this course? Before asking that question, ask yourself, are you mentally ready to face this life? Our lecturer once said, "this course will cause you a lot of frustration." Even if you have interest and talent to do this, it wasn't enough. You may good in fighting what people say about you but maybe you're not that good in fighting yourself.

This life has given me the opportunity to share my problems with my parents because usually I just kept them hidden. The ukhuwah between me and my friends are getting closer since we're the only one who understand each other. Sometimes I didn't eat and sleep, maybe I'll lose some weight (don't do this people. Appreciate your food and sleep). I don't really have time to text my friends anymore. Too busy.

Thanks to my parents who still believes in me and kept on reminding why I'm here. My dear friends that always scolded me when I started to give up. Lecturers who gave worst comments so that I could improve. Friends who shared ideas to me. A friend who heard my problem but didn't scold me. Friends who shared their problem that makes me want to stay here longer. Seniors that helped me a lot! And most of all, thank you, Allah for making me strong.

And yeah. I'll be going through this thing again next semester, Insya-Allah.

"They maybe could fail you, but they can't stop you." -Mama-

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